Resolution #1 for 2013

I used to write a list of things that I wanted to do or make happen in the coming year but I think I skipped doing this last year. And the year before, I think. Well, I am in a good mood today. I’m feeling quite positive and hopeful about the coming year.  There is no explanation for this as nothing new has happened.  I just woke up this morning and said to myself, life is short and I am tired of going through each day angry or sad or just exhausted.  I want to enjoy my days too.  So I am making that choice and making the effort to be positive.  They say it is a decision to be happy and this sometimes requires some effort. I figure, if I am going to put effort into anything, it might as well be to be happy; whatever the circumstance and the reason.

And in line with that, I also want to start to be more conscious of the footprint I leave on our planet.  I don’t know. Maybe it is from reading all these articles from folks I have come to admire, at the very least, for the tenacity with which they push their causes.  Regardless, I believe it is important to do the right thing for our planet whether or not someone says so. 

I did some research into ways to be more Eco friendly. I was kind of apprehensive because I was thinking this might be hard to do. Living in a “third world” country and being a single mom to two kids, budget and ease are two words that I look for a lot.    I looked at a post from Simple Mom and I was pleasantly surprised.  She posted about 40 tips to going greener at home aside from recycling and I was pleasantly surprised at what were on her list.  Let me discuss 10 points in this post.  I don’t think I can/will apply all 40 so let’s see how far we go. These 10 are certainly easy.

1.       Stop using disposable bags- done!  To add to this I think we should bring as many as we need per grocery trip to forego using brown paper bags and boxes. 'Coz these come from trees too.

2.       Buy an inexpensive reusable water bottle- done!  In fact, I use a dispenser (non-electric) and the bottles are replaced as they are emptied so no throwing.

3.       Wash laundry in cold water instead of hot- done!  Manual laundry saves on electricity and if you manage your wash schedule well you can save on water and soap too.

4.       Turn off lights when you leave the room- done!  Thought this was common sense though.

5.       Don’t turn on the lights for as long as you can. Enjoy natural light.- done!  This too.

6.       Turn off your computer completely at night.- done!  And this.

7.       Pay your bills online- Now this I haven’t done.  I am a bit wary actually.  I am afraid of online fraud, identity theft, hacking, etc. I know, I know. I am not a celebrity, neither am I rich enough to warrant any special attention. Still…can someone assure me that this is really safe?

8.       Reuse your scrap paper- done! 

9.       Do an energy audit of your home- hmm…how do you do this?  I would love to know how so I can do it.

10.   Buy energy saving appliances- well, mine were bought some time ago and, while I know that these should replaced after a certain number of years, I am not there yet.  I think one of my air conditioners is energy efficient already though. And my refrigerator.  Since I do not use a microwave, toaster, coffee brewer, water heater, and I use the air con very, very sparingly, I think I am still ok.  But, I have to look into this over the next year so I can save for an eventual revamp.

All in all I think this is a very easy list of ways to be kinder to our planet.  I am also pleased that I have already been doing these…so it turns out I haven’t been too irresponsible after all!  Happiness.

I will post about other “going green” suggestions tomorrow.  And, of course, other resolutions for 2013. To quote an individual I admire, “let us be the change we want to see in the world.”

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1 Chronicles 29: 13-15

13“O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name! 14But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you? Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us! 15We are here for only a moment, visitors and strangers in the land as our ancestors were before us. Our days on earth are like a passing shadow, gone so soon without a trace. 

The Heart and the Mind

I was so near the pit of despair the other day. I so badly needed a pick-me-up.  And since music is once again dominating my life, I decided to go back to some of the livelier days of my late teens to early adult years, or at least the music I listened to back then.  I decided this because I remember that a great part of those years was filled with confidence and no fear that I could not conquer the world. I haven’t really listened to house music in a while and this is probably because the club scheme here in Manila is so different from what it is in the UK which I loved to bits.  Decided to jump on the bandwagon and listen to David Guetta, also because I like the tune of one of his hits “Titanium”.  Lo and behold when I Googled the lyrics- why, they were quite apt.

Here they are:

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium

Cut me down, but it's you who'll have further to fall
Ghost town and haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud, not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net ]
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away, fire away

you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium

I am titanium

I am titanium

Stone hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone hard, as bulletproof glass

You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium

I am titanium

So, this started me down a path of pure house music and I found my mood responding to the point where I really wanted to get up and dance.

I was on a ‘house music high’ for a while. Actually up until around 30 minutes ago.  Then I had a short conversation that blew my mood completely.  Amazing (sarcastic).  A few minutes could change what took two days to get going.  It showed me two things: that my mind can really do so much, and that my heart is a traitor.  And so I need to fortify my heart, teach it to see better, stay out of decisions, and to listen to its good friend, my mind.

I Am Baffled.

Christmas is my favorite holiday.  I don’t know when this started but it’s always been the case.  The past three Christmases though have been tough.  I’ve noticed that in some way there have been tears and this makes me sad.

This year I feel the “jot of the season” a lot less than ever and it is not because of anything specific.  I mean, things are pretty much the same in my life. Still have some problems that need to be resolved but I also have a lot to be grateful for.  I love my kids, they are healthy and happy.  I love where we live now. Although it is not as posh as my goal place to live is, it is the one floor apartment unit I had been hoping to find and be able to afford.  My kids each have their own room and this is great for their development and sense of independence.  My place is private, quiet, and elevated which is great for flood avoidance.

But I’ve been waking up for the past couple of weeks this heavy feeling of sadness I cannot explain.  I can’t explain it because there is no direct reason, nothing new or outstanding, to create a new feeling of depression.  But it is there.  I’ve tried to ignore it but I’ve found this is not the best course of action.  Then I’ve tried to rationalize it but I end up with lots of “I don’t know’s” which isn’t helpful either.  Then I’ve tried to cry it out but I wake up feeling the same and realizing one thing and that is that contrary to a lot of other things, tears seem to never run out.  Talking about it helps. As I’ve said many times before, I don’t process big emotions very well so talking helps me break it up into bits and pieces.  But I don’t want to burden my friends with all of what I am feeling now.

It has been said that vibes are infectious.  If you are a happy and positive person, people pick up on that. Similarly, if you are negative you tend to drag people down with you or Zap their energy; which is why no one wants to hang around a negative person, coz this person can be a real wet blanket.  It is that reason I now refrain from sharing what I am feeling with my friends.  I don’t want anyone to be dragged down, and also I don’t want people to think upon seeing me “oh no, there’s our friend who is always sad. What  a drag.”  So I’ve decided to write it down in the hope that it will help.

And now that I am writing, I cant seem to come up with too many words.  I know I am sad.  I don’t know why.  I feel the urge to cry over everything. I mean, everything.  I am not in any mood to eat.  I don’t really want to do much of everything.  It is sheer necessity that forces me out of bed everyday to go to work.  If I could stay home and lie down, I would but I don’t want to do that either coz it isn’t good for my kids.  I recall feeling like this when the relizaton that my marriage was really over finally hit, but nothing like that has happened to me lately.  I am truly at a loss. And I don’t know how to deal with it.  Music has always soothed me somehow but the songs I can identify with now are all about heartbreak and heartache and, while I acknowledge that my heart isn’t whole yet, it isn’t freshly broken.  So I don’t get it. 

Here are two songs that send me to fits of crying lately.  They are quite positive so I don’t get why they make me cry so much.

“Kiss Me”  by Ed Sheeran

Settle down with me
Cover me up
Cuddle me in
Lie down with me
Hold me in your arms

Your heart's against my chest
Lips pressed to my neck
I've fallen for your eyes
But they don't know me yet

And the feeling I forget
I'm in love now

Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved

This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love

Settle down with me
And I'll be your safety
You'll be my lady

I was made to keep your body warm
But I'm cold as, the wind blows
So hold me in your arms [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/e/ed+sheeran/kiss+me_20983414.html ]
My heart's against your chest
Your lips pressed to my neck
I've fallen for your eyes
But they don't know me yet

And the feeling I forget
I'm in love now

Kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved

This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love

Yeah I've been feeling everything
From hate to love
From love to lust
From lust to truth
I guess that's how I know you

So hold you close
To help you give it up

So kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved

This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love

So kiss me like you wanna be loved
Wanna be loved
Wanna be loved

This feels like I've fallen in love
Fallen in love
Fallen in love

"Begin Again" by Taylor Swift

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn't like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turned the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn't get this song
But I do, I do

Walked in expecting you'd be late
But you got here early and you stand and wave
I walk to you
You pull my chair out and help me in
And you don't know how nice that is
But I do

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause he never did
I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again

He said he never met one girl
Who had as many James Taylor records as you
But I do
We tell stories and you don't know why
I'm coming off a little shy
But I do

But you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause he never did
I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again

And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up
But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches
Every single Christmas and I won't talk about that
And for the first time, what's past is past

Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause he never did
I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again

But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again